In my early twenties I was in line to be the lead spokesperson on an infomercial selling an updated version of the 90's hit sewing sensation, Knitwit and Doodleloom. Unfortunatley the night before filming occurred a malfunction in my time machine sent me back to the 330's B.C.E., where I spent time designing the tomb for Alexander the Great. I am the only person on Earth who knows the exact location. Yes, I built a time machine.
I once placed fourth in the World Guacamole Eating Championships and commonly construct elaborate domino mazes consisting of thousands of pieces. I do these blindfolded and in the dark. Somewhere deep in the Pacific Ocean there is an island consisting of only dogs. I have been there, and it is amazing.
There are eight different nations/territories in the world that currently use my name in some form as the name for their capital city. I am the only person I know of that has skied down Denali on a pair of tennis rackets, and I once made over a hundred bucks in an hour as a kid selling lemonade. Multiple best-selling business and sales books have been written based off that day.
And so it is that I eagerly anticipate this 2018/2019 school year. My name is Phil Collins and I will be your child's sixth grade world history teacher. Welcome!